I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
