True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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