My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
