never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize