I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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