I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
