ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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