I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
