CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
people are starting to question the shark bite story
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
