I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
