Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
wow bdsm is so cute
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
