yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
