jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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