people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
