It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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