I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up under a house in Key West
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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