the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
