Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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