This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
