When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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