I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
