i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize