Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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