he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
