Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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