Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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