I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
