You were right. It hurts to walk today.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
In America we eat man semen.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
