there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
