Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
