Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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