It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
