Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
