You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
