Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
