I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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