You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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