Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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