My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
