so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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