I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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