I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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