U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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