I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Did I show you my penis last night?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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