you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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