Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
