Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
