Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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