are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
