If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
