'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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