I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
