i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
