I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
