i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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