Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
