he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
