i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
