pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I touched a dick in church today
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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