If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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