Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize