he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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