lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
