I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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