for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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