this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
