How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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