Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
