Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
