So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
