I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
