This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
