Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize