KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
