yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I can text with my tongue
tonight lets celebrate not being married
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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