Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
