M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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