I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize